Shayna - Chicago, IL
For me, ignorance isn’t bliss. I could never really live that way. And, maybe I could say that that was what motivated me to go to Nepal to climb Everest, but I’d be lying. It was really love that drove me thousands of miles away to rediscover who I was and what I wanted.
I had spent more time than I cared to admit on OkCupid.com and Match.com searching for this elusive partner in crime who was definitely going to be this be-all, end-all guy in conquering these bucket list moments. I guess I could say that for a long time I was waiting for someone to dictate who I was. Like a relationship would get me to the next step of Shayna…. But the reality was, all I had to do was step away from the expectation of needing someone else to discover my personal experience.
It seems silly to expect that I needed someone in order to find myself. The real reason I think I went in that direction for so long is because I avoided the hard work and reflection necessary to accomplish these “Shayna” moments. But when it all came down to it, when I was fed up with waiting and knew I deserved to truly know myself deeply, I buckled down and embarked on a journey in storytelling. Only this time, I would be writing my own. And as it turned out, it was on a mountain top.
So, love—not for another person, but for myself—made me book a ticket and fly away to a far-off land called Kathmandu. I found myself in a lovely little hotel with a tiny garden close to Durbar Square Market. It was all locals--what felt like millions of people pouring in from all directions in a labyrinth of streets purchasing all kinds of goods. There's something really delicate and wonderful about the balanced chaos they have got going on over there. It’s not a modern place, and yet transactions and business happen with an old-fashioned ease. The electricity gets cut occasionally but the chatter of barter continues. I wandered the little alley ways, entering into little shops of curiosities just large enough for two. It was at times captivating, then overwhelming, the way new locations generally are. Getting lost in the people, the buying and selling, the smells of fresh food and spices—it was like being in a trance of discovery especially because I was alone in this maze of wonderment. For the first time I was on a trip by myself. Period.
What else do you do when you’re alone for the first time? I got lost more than once. I'm the kind of woman who considers herself a solitary wanderer. I revel in losing my way amongst people and finding myself in the process. Sometimes I find myself purposefully putting myself in situations, just so I can navigate them and experience what it’s like to not know. It’s this kind of purposeful reality. And, this was the whole point of coming here. To get off the beaten path, by myself, all alone with no one to talk to but myself. But that wasn’t really the challenging part. The next day I was about to meet myself on a mountain.
Let me be clear, I am not a climber. I have never really climbed. I decided to do this because it was on my bucket list and I was sick of waiting for life to happen to me. The decision happened over a few days, but the reality was sinking in that I was about to take on a real challenge. That first day was a brutal and challenging hike up to Namche Bazar from Padking. 7 hours of 45-degree inclines on uneven steps with newish hiking boots to an altitude of 3,440m or 11,286ft. I did not actively train for this. I didn’t even wear in the new shoes. The mystery of how a klutz like me is capable of avoiding accidents down 1000-meter crevasses must be good karma and all those balance exercises I'm always forcing people to endure, because I'm not sure how I was able to survive.
We started hiking up at 8am after a Nepali breakfast of potatoes and fried egg. The sun was really good to us, shining brightly over Lamse Bota, as we passed Buddhist monasteries. You can hear the monks chanting and the prayer wheels being turned inside by the ring of the bell each time the soul had been purified. As you hike, there’s absolute silence as you-except for bits of falling rock from the sides of the mountain tops, yaks making their presence known along the way and the echo of the monks, Om Mani Padme hum. It is a mantra that begins with generosity which begets enlightenment, compassion, patience, love and finally wisdom. You can see why Buddhism began here. Hiking that day and hearing their voices echoing against the mountains, it was beautiful and surreal and frankly, suddenly all this “life” makes a lot of sense.
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