By Lisa Payne
Dance is something different to everyone. It’s physical. It’s emotional. It’s an element of self-expression that is designed to tell a story, illicit feelings, expend energy and to even serve as a social event. Dance is all of these things and to me it’s beyond a story or an outlet. It’s a place I can go just to be myself and where I can leave the outside world at the door.
When I was young, my Mom put me in dance class like many other kids. But after only a few weeks, I quit. I was shy and didn’t like being out in front of other people. At 7 or 8, I was more likely to be found in my room reading and writing an imaginative world than to be on a stage in front of an audience. My head was always in the clouds coming up with story ideas for others to act out. Stage presence was always something that I thought other people excelled better at.
But around the age of 12 I joined a dance class at our local park district. I still remember the weird smell and the cold feel of the floor of that room. I remember liking the rhythm, the structure of the class and just the fact that I had something regular to do during the week. But I look back, and I think it was our recital theme and music that I enjoyed most. That gave it energy-that story I was looking for. Our theme was Batman after the release of the movie-yes, the one ages ago with Michael Keaton. Holy cow that was forever ago! And our song? “Batdance,” by Prince. Fantastic! The recital went off without a hitch and my teacher had even convinced me to take a front row spot. Maybe I wasn’t such a shy girl after all. And that Batman costume? My Mom kept it for me. Priceless.
In college, I signed up for every dance class that I didn’t have to audition for (too much pressure!). It seems just like yesterday that I was lining up for split leaps in a dance studio without air-conditioning. Our dance teacher, Tammy Goetsch, was much like Tinkerbell executing perfect leaps and encouraging us to do the same. Not many people know that had I taken just one more class-one that required an audition, I would’ve minored in dance. I was absolutely no ballerina, but every class left a mark on me. Dance felt good. I do regret not pushing forward and auditioning anyway. But what is life without moments to live and learn by?
That was 2001.
Today I’m on a mission to do things I’ve put off doing, things I’m scared of and things I stopped doing but want to do again. In November 2017, I decided to get over myself and I signed up for a cardio dance class at Chicago’s All About Dance. Not going to lie, I was pretty nervous. Did I need dance shoes? Am I going to be the oldest person there? Will I be able to keep up? All of these thoughts ran through my head as I walked into the studio. More honestly, these worries were trying really hard to become excuses to not go in, to leave and to never go back.
Seven months later, I am taking class every week and have found it easier and easier to learn the fast-paced choreography. I never intended to continue with class but I’ve found it more rewarding than I could’ve imagined.
What I recognized was how much my ADD got extremely pissed off during those first few months. If I didn’t focus 100% on what moves were coming next, I was lost. I didn’t even realize how much I was not staying present with my day-to-day life until I got angry during a dance class of all places. It’s funny how much you can go on telling yourself one thing, and then later you realize you were way off. Calling yourself out on your bullshit is one of the best rewards life can ever give you. However that opportunity may arise, welcome it no matter how uncomfortable you get.
Whether it’s dance, or learning or re-learning another skill, sometimes if you just give it more than an inch it will give you so much more in the end. We don’t learn in the thinking, but in the doing, in the feeling and in the being. This is something I learned just by taking a look back at something I used to really enjoy. Looking back could actually be a really smart move-but only if you transform it into something you as you are today. We are constantly growing. But it’s your choice which way you grow-back inside yourself, or up and out like the person you were always meant to be. How will you thrive?